Wednesday, November 28, 2012

a major sign

i think a major sign of a quarter life crisis, mild depression, or just the fact that i'm a terrible person...
is that i have not been a man of my word during this period of my life.

and i hate it.

in these past few months it almost seems like...

every deadline i committed to, i missed
every promise i gave, i broke
every appointment i made, i was late to
every friendship i had, i strained
every temptation i met, i gave in
every test i took, i failed
every free moment i had, i wasted
every girl i wanted to speak with, i was too afraid to approach
every bridge, burned
every flower, faded
dream, dashed...

although that's an exaggeration, many days it indeed feels like it.

some possible additions to the list:
every joke i made, sucked
pimple on my face, hurt like hell

Saturday, November 17, 2012

science fiction - chapter 1ish

alarm clock buzz. the alarm clock produces a sound so disruptive, so rude. i slammed it with the palm of my hand, hoping i hit the snooze button. i did. i sat up in my bed. it was very quiet, very cold. my bed was warm. i could see my breath. i looked around and grabbed a bottle of pills from my nightstand and shook out a pill onto my palm. three pills came out. "what if i ate all three", i wondered. that'll be 300 mg of caffeine. probably nothing will happen. i put two of the pills back in and popped the remaining one in my mouth. i pulled the sheets back over my shoulder and went back to sleep until the next snooze. maybe the caffeine would've kicked in by then. damn. a new day, maybe one day i'll be less lazy and actually buy coffee.

six hours and another caffeine pill later i paced around the the courtyard of my office. stepping on some dried leaves. I was trying not to make eye contact with co-workers walking in and out of the building, going to-and-from meetings. So many meetings. I had so much work and I was so behind. And it wasn’t like the work was boring either. It was actually kinda interesting, and my co-workers were pretty cool. I didn't even know why I was talking a break outside. “I’m just taking a work-break, getting some fresh air and sunlight” I told myself.

BS. I was in a quarter life crisis and didn't want to stay on earth anymore. That’s why I was taking a break outside.

The next train to 5-West was taking off in a few hours from Los Angeles Intermodal Station. i had a ticket. all I had to do was take the 30 minute drive to get to the Station. Forget this. Forget trying to go back inside to get some more work done. I’m gonna start this long weekend early. I went back inside, packed up my stuff, and took the roundabout exit out to my car to avoid having to walk past my managers.

the drive to the Station was pretty pleasant. the trains ran underground of course so you couldn't see them from the freeway, but as you approach the airport portion of the Station, you get to see the planes line up in their landing pattern in the sky. i was looking at the planes when someone in a white lexus recklessly zoomed past me and cut me off. the speed limit was 120, i for once was lawfully obeying it, but the lexus must've at least been going 150. i used to drive recklessly like that too, and i don't know if it was because of the music i was listening to, or just the fact that i was bored, but i decided to chase it down a bit. besides, i didn't get the turbo edition of my car for nothing. i disabled the autodrive and took control control of the vehicle, Shifted into sports mode - 125, 130, 145, 160, 170. i caught up pretty easily. i intended to drive by and have the lexus eat my dust.

just as i was about pass, i took quick glance to see what kind of a person was behind the wheel. it was a girl. about my age, from what i saw through the tinted windows. she seemed attractive too...

whatever. see you later. i stepped on the gas a little harder and engaged the turbo.

she must've been reading my mind because she accelerated right after i did. in fact she must've hit the burners because she was half a car length behind me and edging up. 170, 175, 180... this was turning into a race. we were going a bit too fast... even for me. the freeway had a slight left turn and i was on the left of her, so i had a shorter distance because of the turn, but she was still gaining ground and by the end of the turn we were dead even.

the lane was merging up ahead and there were cars on our sides and in front of us. do i push it and risk a 42 car pile up and the death of innocent men, women, and children?

nah, maybe on a cloudy day, but i was going on a mini vacation. you can have this race.
i let off the accelerator and let her into my lane in front of me. we both braked hard to avoid killing the cars in front of us as we slowed down to the regular speed of traffic. a few seconds later she took the off ramp of the right. i almost wanted to follow her a bit to see where she'd go and what her life story was. maybe next time.

i parked my car in long term parking and proceeded to my terminal.

the walls and ceiling of the entire terminal was made of what seemed like one huge piece of glass. i couldn't even find any seams where two pieces of glass came together. i'm not sure whether it's because of the vast openness of the architecture, or the very soothing chimes that they played every hour, but train stations and airports always gave me this unique feeling. like as if i was about to embark on something important.

i felt like there should've been some some music going on as i walked through the terminal towards the check-in counter. there certainly was music going on in my head. it was an old song called "intro" by the xx.

"alrighty sir, you're all set for the 1230 express train to Five West, Outer Geosynchronous Orbit. Your gate is 23, and your seat is..."
the attendant looked down at my ticket as she was handing it to me, "15a, so it looks like you'll be in our business class today." she looked up and smiled. she was probably surprised that i was sitting business class given that i was wearing a hoodie and jeans. yeah i was surprised too. thank you monopoly deal for the letting me win the free ticket.

i smiled back. "thank you". i took the ticket, and picked up my carry on. as i turned away from the counter i noticed the person waiting next in line. was that the girl driving the other car? i couldn't really tell. we made eye contact. i smiled and nodded as if to say "good day". she didn't smile, and walked past me to the counter.

she must've thought i was an idiot or some sort of creep. sigh. whatever, i'll never see you in my life ever again.


life is so weird. why do we do what we do?
we built bridges that spanned across oceans. we built mass drivers and space elevators that made propelling humans into space cheaper than going to kansas. we built gundams to mine asteroids and fight space battles. we built the ansible to communicate faster than light, and then we perfected warp drive to travel faster than light without the effects of time dilation. did the scientists who built those things desire to do that? or was it because they needed to work to make a living? if everyone had all the food and wealth they could want, what would they do? would these scientific discoveries still have been made?

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


my current state of life feels like bon iver Holocene's melody. broken, sad, and angry.
fucked up beyond all recognition and lacking the will power to pick myself up. because if i do, it's just gonna be fake. it's just gonna break again

i covet so much. and i become so disappointed with myself
i so wish i was smarter, younger, taller, richer

i've been spending around 20 hours a week doing homework for this one class that others have told me should take about 5 to 6 hours a week.

i quit trying to be an engineer. i can't do this anymore. it's too fucking hard.
i can't compete anymore. i'm too tired.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Iran has snowboarding??

i was shocked when i saw videos like this about iran:

 it looks pretty modern and developed. and iran has snowboarding! how can we possible bomb a country that has snowboarding... i guess maybe if doing so will help our economy. whatever, a war with another middle east country probably wouldn't affect the lives of 98% of americans, just like the last 2 wars didn't. even though a couple hundred thousand iraqi civilians died as a result. that's ok, because a single american life is much more valuable than any non-american life. woohoooo

Thursday, October 4, 2012

being second

"being second is the first of the ones who lose"

"so every time you are close to those limits, the excitement increase, and your heart goes quick, and your breath, goes stronger"

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Cost to train Romney to be president - Not worth it

if romney becomes president, it's gonna take him a while to move in, learn where all the bathrooms are, find out the best balcony to chill on, and how to speed dial his friends on a phone that has more buttons than a keyboard:
source: wikipedia

it'll take him maybe 50 to 60 hours to learn that stuff? (training time)

but that's just the small stuff.
to become fully productive, it'll at least take a few months.
("A survey of 610 CEOs by Harvard Business School estimates that typical mid-level managers require 6.2 months to reach their break-even point." -some random site that i'm sure is credible)

but that's just for 1 person.
there's also paul ryan and friends and a whole suite of other people. they're all gonna have to learn where the bathroom is and how to speed dial their hero netanyahu.

you can read more from this Employment Replacement Cost paper
the paper also talks about recruiting costs.

if it was 50/50 or even 51/49 between romney and obama, i'd go with obama, just because at least he already knows where the bathrooms are in the whitehouse.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Sweden's Contribution to the World in the 21st Century

Sweden's Contribution to the World in the 21st Century:

1. These bad boys

2. Electronic dance music. Because of names like Swedish house mafia and Avicii. (Sweden only has a population of 10 million. that's less than some cities!!)

I was listening to the song "don't you worry child" and was drugged by its vivid lyrics. I tried to look up its meaning and found this explanation on elyics' forum stating how this song was apparently about Jesus:

"Even from a secular POV, it's obvious the lyrics are either speaking of Christs' time on earth and his suffering on the cross; the girl may represent a sleeping church. Could also speak of the people of Israel and God's solemn promise to redeem His people. Maybe both."

Now that I think about it though, it's pretty obvious. Let's dive into the lyrics:

There was a time, I used to look into my father's eyes (Before Jesus became man)
In a happy home, I was a king I had a gold throne (He was in Heaven)
Those days are gone, nowthe memories are on the wall (He became man, and now Jesus is saying this as He's on the cross)
I hear the sounds from the places where I was born (Jesus is thinking about God)

Up on the hill across the blue lake, (Hill = Calvary, Lake = the Dead Sea, probably)
thats where I had my first heart break (Betrayed by Judas and what not)
I still remember how it all changed
my father said
Don't you worry, don't you worry child (Through prayer)
See heaven's got a plan for you
Don't you worry, don't you worry now

There was a time, I met a girl of a different kind (talking about the Church as the Bride, or something. At this point, the theological depth of this song is too deep for my understand, as I haven't studied the Bible enough)
We ruled the world,
Thought I'll never lose her out of sight, we were so young
I think of her now and then
Still hear the songs, reminding me of a friend

It's crazy though - in their concert, these 3 artists are like gods, commanding the synchronous fist pump of a hundred thousand people:

I guess Volvos and Saabs are notable contributions too. And maybe the book/movie "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". Saab kinda went bankrupt though.

Friday, September 21, 2012

romney paid less tax

percentage wise, than me or anyone that is facebook friends with me.

no wonder he wants to lower taxes. he'd probably save himself another million dollars.
if i were him, i'd probably sure as hell want to lower taxes too.

and the romney's had a tax extension for the year of 2011 until now, so he paid taxes 5 months after most of the people in the country. umm, cool.

but as wikipedia says, the top 1% of americans still pay 37% of all the country's taxes.
is that fair?

whatever, i'm going to carl's jr for dinner.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

"Short people got no reason, to live" - another FML...

tall people are more successful, more confident, better performers, and make more money than short people.
that is a fact:

brb as i go dig a hole and die in it and then cover the hole up so i don't leave a mess for anyone else.

short people got no reason to live is a song by randy newman:

Sunday, September 9, 2012

the french call it l'esprit de l'escalier

the germans call it treppenwitz

it means thinking up of a clever comeback shortly after the moment has passed.
like after you got shut down and you were left speechless, then as you're walking down the staircase towards the exit or as you're driving home reminiscing about the night, you come up with the perfect comment you should have responded with. but the moment has passed.

the bigger problem is avoir l'esprit de l'escalier. The "avoir" makes it like an infirmity you posses. it means time and time again, you only come up with that repartee as you're walking down the stairs towards the exit. you're always a few minutes too late.

i'll do all i can to prevent this from becoming the story of my life.
i'll write all my lines the night before if i have to.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

things i heard from the democratic national convention that i liked

-the way you run a business and make it grow is you invest in R&D
-a country is a lot like a business and its R&D is its education, infrastructure, broadband internet, healthcare system, etc.
-Romney wants to cut all of those things, while the BRICS, and even Europe are investing more than us in those areas

-what the veteran said about how republicans are eager to send people to war, but stingy about helping out the veterans

what clinton said
-the republicans' plan just doesn't make sense. it defies arithmetic
-how can republicans promise they'll cut the debt when they want to cut more taxes but increase defense spending?
-that causes crazy cuts in everything else (infrastructure, education, social welfare, etc.)
-romney didn't defend his policies in his speech
-obamacare forced health insurance companies to put 85% of their spending to actually providing health to the people they claim to be insuring, instead of spending on higher paychecks and more advertising. 
(i realize squeezing health insurance companies will cause a lot of people in those industries to lose jobs. but maybe it has to get a little worse before it gets better? because if those health insurance companies get what they want, yes the thousands of people those health insurance companies employ will get to keep their jobs, but millions of others will get screwed - financially and bodily)

-Eisenhower, a republican, and a general at that, built up America's infrastructure

what some commentator on pbs said
-12 years before clinton went to president, republicans tripled the debt.
-clinton balanced the debt
-george w bush doubled the debt

if i got some of these facts wrong, who cares. i'm pretty set on who i'm voting for.
the DNC was for the most part logical and made sense.
i didn't listen to the RNC as much, but the main things i heard out of it was to choose respect not love, which confused the hell out of me, and their bashing of the "you didn't build that" quote they took out of context.

as long as obama doesn't become this guy

but to keep things in perspective, the top 1% of americans do pay 40% of all of the US's taxes. that doesn't seem so fair either, does it? if you busted your butt to become the 1%, you wouldn't to pay all that tax either...

Goldman-fucking-Sachs Caused Everything

Goldman Sachs caused the 2008 financial crises:
Goldman Sachs benefits from the financial crises:

Goldman Sachs screwed Greece and the EU:

Greeks are actually not bad people:

Goldman Sachs screws Oakland:

Goldman Sachs caused the great depression:

Goldman Sachs helped cause every financial crisis since the great depression:
In one case, Goldman allegedly gave a multimillion-dollar special offering to eBay CEO Meg Whitman, who later joined Goldman's board, in exchange for future i-banking business

One of the truly comic moments in the history of America's recent financial collapse came when Gov. Jon Corzine of New Jersey, who ran Goldman from 1994 to 1999 and left with $320 million in IPO-fattened stock, insisted in 2002 that "I've never even heard the term 'laddering' before."

For a bank that paid out $7 billion a year in salaries, $110 million fines issued half a decade late were something far less than a deterrent —they were a joke.

For decades mortgage dealers insisted that home buyers be able to produce a down payment of 10 percent or more, show a steady income and good credit rating, and possess a real first and last name. Then, at the dawn of the new millennium, they suddenly threw all that shit out the window and started writing mortgages on the backs of napkins to cocktail waitresses and ex-cons carrying five bucks and a Snickers bar.

Take one $494 million issue that year, GSAMP Trust 2006S3. Many of the mortgages belonged to second-mortgage borrowers, and the average equity they had in their homes was 0.71 percent. Moreover, 58 percent of the loans included little or no documentation — no names of the borrowers, no addresses of the homes, just zip codes. Yet both of the major ratings agencies, Moody's and Standard & Poor's, rated 93 percent of the issue as investment grade. Moody's projected that less than 10 percent of the loans would default. In reality, 18 percent of the mortgages were in default within 18 months.

I ask the manager how it could be that selling something to customers that you're actually betting against — particularly when you know more about the weaknesses of those products than the customer — doesn't amount to securities fraud.
"It's exactly securities fraud," he says. "It's the heart of securities fraud."

In fact, at least $13 billion of the taxpayer money given to AIG in the bailout ultimately went to Goldman, meaning that the bank made out on the housing bubble twice: It fucked the investors who bought their horseshit CDOs by betting against its own crappy product, then it turned around and fucked the taxpayer by making him pay off those same bets.

Soaring food prices driven by the commodities bubble led to catastrophes across the planet, forcing an estimated 100 million people into hunger and sparking food riots throughout the Third World.

It began in September of last year, when then-Treasury secretary Paulson made a momentous series of decisions. Although he had already engineered a rescue of Bear Stearns a few months before and helped bail out quasi-private lenders Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Paulson elected to let Lehman Brothers — one of Goldman's last real competitors — collapse without intervention. ("Goldman's superhero status was left intact," says market analyst Eric Salzman, "and an investment banking competitor, Lehman, goes away.") The very next day, Paulson green-lighted a massive, $85 billion bailout of AIG, which promptly turned around and repaid $13 billion it owed to Goldman. Thanks to the rescue effort, the bank ended up getting paid in full for its bad bets: By contrast, retired auto workers awaiting the Chrysler bailout will be lucky to receive 50 cents for every dollar they are owed.

And here's the real punch line. After playing an intimate role in four historic bubble catastrophes, after helping $5 trillion in wealth disappear from the NASDAQ, after pawning off thousands of toxic mortgages on pensioners and cities, after helping to drive the price of gas up to $4 a gallon and to push 100 million people around the world into hunger, after securing tens of billions of taxpayer dollars through a series of bailouts overseen by its former CEO, what did Goldman Sachs give back to the people of the United States in 2008?

Fourteen million dollars.

That is what the firm paid in taxes in 2008, an effective tax rate of exactly one, read it, one percent. The bank paid out $10 billion in compensation and benefits that same year and made a profit of more than $2 billion — yet it paid the Treasury less than a third of what it forked over to CEO Lloyd Blankfein, who made $42.9 million last year.

This should be a pitchfork-level outrage — but somehow, when Goldman released its post-bailout tax profile, hardly anyone said a word. One of the few to remark on the obscenity was Rep. Lloyd Doggett, a Democrat from Texas who serves on the House Ways and Means Committee. "With the right hand out begging for bailout money," he said, "the left is hiding it offshore."

“Henry Paulson was Secretary of the Treasury under George W Bush. Before that he was board Chairman of the Board and CEO of Goldman Sachs”

“Robert Rubin was Secretary of the Treasury under Clinton. Before that he was cochair of Goldman Sachs.”

“Larry Summers, another Secretary of the Treasury under Clinton, was a consultant to Goldman Sachs” 

“Former Treasury Secretaries Henry Paulson, Robert Rubin, and Larry Summers all came from Goldman, and current Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner rose through the ranks of government as a Summers/Rubin protégé. One commentator called the U.S. Treasury “Goldman Sachs South.””

Counter-argument article:

Update Aug 2013:
Apparently, Goldman Sachs alumni are basically in every central bank:


Goldman fucking Sachs

2.4ghz wireless mouse doesn't work near USB 3.0 port

if your laptop has USB ports next to each other,
and one of them is USB 3.0,
and the other has a wireless mouse's receiver in it that's 2.4ghz,
then the wireless mouse might not work when the usb 3.0 port is used (like when hooked up to an external hard drive).
read here to understand why:

this happened to me. on my new computer. sucks.

i recently bought a new laptop, a samsung np700z3c. i describe why i bought it here.
it's a beautiful machine, a great reason why apple would want to sue samsung, and it's only 2/3rds the price of a mac book pro. it looks good on the outside and is fast on the inside.

but it has one major flaw - it has 2 usb ports right next to each other, and that usb 3.0 port on the left causes a 2.4ghz radio frequency interference on the wireless mouse receiver that's plugged into the port beside it, screwing over my mouse. (most wireless mouse use 2.4ghz)

samsung laptop designers should've put these usb ports on different sides of the computer.

i believe macbooks have this problem too though, as described here. hehehe, suckers.

interestingly enough, there is a company that makes 5.8ghz wireless mice

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

terrific article from GQ, about clubbing

"So that from our high-priced bottle-service real estate we still had the valuable sensation that we were at a place where the party, like the music (or the Ecstasy), would never, ever end, where more and more girls could be fed in from still more flights out of Kansas City and Sacramento and you could start to think that the you who has a job back in Pittsburgh or Irvine doesn't exist, and also that after this you'd better go find some coke or else deal with the reality that awaits you back in the rollaway suitcase in your hotel room. Or if you're the fourth-generation heir to a toothpaste fortune who doesn't have a job in Pittsburgh (and there are people who come here they can drop $500K in a night and not feel bad about it), that there's a world where no one has those jobs, that this is the one place built for you."

"All around us women were dancing on makeshift stages—tabletops, banquette benches, dancing plinths. There must have been a hundred of them, and all of them, like really all of them, were wearing virtually identical tiny dresses and platform shoes that used to be a kind of sartorial wink that meant: I get paid money to give blow jobs."

"We let Jessica pour rounds and rounds of drinks for these female Asian chem majors from Cal who kept waving and winking to their boyfriends who were railbirding it on the lower level of the dance floor, watching as their dates got their free drinks on."

"Going to a nightclub, like going on vacation, sometimes gives rise to this really stressful internal-feedback loop that initiates when some dark part of your brain transmits a pretty obvious question: "Am I having fun?" Then: "Is this fun? What about that?" Or, "Those people look like they're having fun—are they pretending like I am?" Or, "I should be having fun, but am I really? How about now?" And then this other part of your brain says, "Shut up, this is your dedicated night for fun, you paid all this money for it, and if you're not having fun now, maybe you're not capable of fun, so please for the love of God just shut up." "Okay. Okay... But how about now?""

"Another way to deal with that anxiety, the balm Jason and Noah offer, is to make the customers believe they are at the party that other people wish they were at. Marquee must always feel like the place to be tonight. "We always have photographers on hand," Jason told me. "The key is to recap it the next day so we can be like, 'Look what you fucking missed.' "

samsung series 7 14" - 1600x900 discrete graphics

my dad wanted a laptop. luckily, my parents were kind enough to suggest i buy a new laptop, give my mom my current laptop, and have my dad take my mom's laptop that's 6 years old.

so i went on a laptop hunt. it took a while (like 10 hrs) because there were some strict, slightly unreasonable criteria i wanted: 1600x900 HD+ resolution or better, ivy bridge, less than 5 lbs, 14.1" screen size or less, optical CD drive, a thin bezel if possible, and a discrete graphics card would be nice. it turned out that not too many laptops had the above combination.

initially i wanted a convertible tablet too to take notes with. but the combination of the above just doesn't exist in a convertible tablet form. the closest was the t902, but that thing cost $2000, still didn't come with discrete graphics, and was bigger and heavier than most of the regular laptops that had a bigger screen size.

reasons i wanted what i wanted:
i wanted an optical drive because i feel insecure without one. (what if i suddenly wanted to play Battlefield 3 and didn't want to wait 2 hours for it to download but instead decided to run to target, buy the disc, and come back in 30 minutes. well without a cd drive, i'd be screwed) actually, i ended up getting the samsung series 7 14" (aka NP700Z3C, NP700Z3C-S02US for the US version), and that thing only comes with a gefore gt 630m, which is relatively weak, and can't really play BF3 =(

i also wanted something with a small footprint so it can fit on not-so-large coffee tables. so i started taking into account not only the screen size, but the actual width, depth, thickness, as well as weight. and the samsung series 7 blows the competition out of the water. (except for weight, in which case it's beat by the sony viao S series). the series 7 basically is a 14" screen in a 13.3" body. so this is basically a 13.3" laptop with 1600x900 resolution. it's pretty amazing how the footprint is smaller than most of the actual 13.3 inchers (because it has a small bezel!!!)

i wanted to 1600x900 resolution because it's so much 1337er than noob 720p.

and yeah, i got ripped off compared to slickdeals deals, but i didn't feel like waiting around for along time. plus i think it's very rare that there will be any other laptop with a smaller footprint for that screen size and resolution.

also, i looked through most of toshiba, hp, dell, acer, asus, and fujitsu's product lines. most didn't offer 1600x900, and if they did, it was more expensive and still lacked a discrete graphics card or optical cd drive. (for example the hp spectre 14" looks really good has a small footprint, but costs about $400 more and lacks discrete graphics. and of course, the macbook's are amazingly designed (and from looking at the samsung series 7 you can see why apple sued samsung so often), but i can't afford the macbook.

Update - september 14, 2014
After using this laptop for about 2 years, its had enough bugs and disappointments that I'm going to try to never buy a samsung laptop again.

microsoft store student .edu verification site

several laptops from the microsoft store have a promotion that you get a free xbox360 4gb (not the 250gb version) if you buy an expensive enough laptop. all you need to do is verify a .edu email. The trick is getting to the site where you actually input your .edu email address to get verified.

it took me two hours to find this link:

freaking microsoft must've been hiding it.
the directions on this website are worthless and not true:
there is no verify button on that link.

man, microsoft online store's website sucks

Sunday, July 29, 2012

the Dark Knight Rises was whatevers

There were so many annoyances:

There was a lack of action. no one even broke the sound barrier. batman's bat copter couldn't even climb up fast enough to avoid buildings.

When bruce made that jump without the rope that got him out of the well, he didn't even take a running start. in all the previous jumps he had a running start and he still missed.

Bruce then went from some prison hole in the middle east or africa to gotham in like a day, while he was a broke man with no cash. did he take a boat?

How did those people in that prison hole get food? did they have a farm down there too?

Why were the doctors and the other dude still in that prison hole? didn't the girl's father come and clean that place up?

The sex was a one night stand and pretty damn useless of a scene. the movie basically gave sex less value than kisses

Why would batman and catwoman talk and kiss when there was only a couple of minutes until that nuke exploded. (well she was pretty hot, i'd probably do the same and think in my head "i will risk the lives of 12 million people to kiss this one hot cat woman")

They started showing bane's gentle side in those flashbacks when he's shown as the savior of an orphan, it was so painfully confusing. at first bane was pure evil, but he was actually a caring friend? and his love and loyalty to his friend tate was so deep. it seemed like he wasn't even looking to get sex out of it. not even a kiss, because he has that mask covering his mouth. where on the other hand, our hero bruce has sex with tate in an instant.

How can tate be so patient for 30 years, all the while putting on a fake smile and living the high life that she supposedly hates, and is actually having bane destroy that system. she was like the 3rd richest person in the movie. how did she get that rich?

Those missiles chasing the bat copter were extremely, extremely slow.

How did bane get everyone to submit to him?

I agree with this review:

"Part of the problem is the storytelling in the script by Nolan, his brother Jonathan and David Goyer. As in “The Dark Knight,” that urge to operate on a grand scale results only in a grandiosity that, ultimately, becomes a bit silly, even nonsensical."

"Hell, I’d say that anyone forecasting serious Oscar love for this lumpish, tedious film has been smoking too much of that potent, prescription California weed. “The Dark Knight Rises” rarely gets off the ground. It’s certainly not Oscar material."

lol, that potent, prescription california weed.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

joy harjo and Ira Grass quotes

i heard the following interview of joy harjo on NPR the other day.

"Women often turn their anger inward, and at Indian school, some of us mutilated ourselves. I marked myself once, with a knife, I was disappearing into the adolescent sea of rage and destruction. The mark of pain assured me of my own reality. The cut could speak. It had a voice that cried out when I could not make a sound in my own defense."
"I never made such a mark again, instead I chose to slash art onto canvas, pencil marks onto paper, and when I could no longer carry the burden of history, I found other openings: I found stories."

hearing this increased my respect for writing, art, and poetry. cool

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” -Ira Grass

Saturday, July 21, 2012


this post bothers me:

As a person who once thought he was a Christian, I've heard most of what she said before...

"In His sovereignty, God made man in His image with the ability to choose good and evil."
Christians keep saying God can't do evil. So why do we keep saying He made us in His image? Because we obviously can commit evil. damn poor copy.

"God did not take a gun and pull the trigger in a crowded theater. He didn’t even suggest it. A man did."
Well God sure allowed it. How come we can't blame God for this? God, the all powerful, all knowing, all present God, allowed this to happen. Joe Paterno lost his job because he allowed something wrong happen.
Also, before the creation of the universe/angels/all this other shit, there was only God and no evil. Then some time later, evil appeared. But God didn't create it?! Evil is the absence of God you say, just as darkness is the absence of light? Well then why the hell would God back off to allow evil to seep through?

I don't mean to personally attack or offend the author of that post, but would she have written the same thing if she or her daughters got shot? Would she continue to praise God if in a few days James Holmes repents and becomes a real, true, Biblical Christian who will go to heaven? or what if it turned out that she or her daughters who thought they were Christians were actually an example of Matthew 7:21-23:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you;depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


How do you know if you're having a quarter life crises?
Do you keep listening to electronic dance music?

How do you snap out of an addiction or a certain belief in way of thinking?
Do you have to hit rock bottom before changing yourself?
What if you don't ever hit it but you're always just sinking?

How can a depressed person not be depressed?
If a depressed person yells at himself "snap out of it" enough times, will he just snap out of? Can you really just stop feeling sad and feel awesome instead?

Do you tell yourself to STFU and quit being a little bitch. or do you listen to yourself and cry?

The biggest obstacle is a lack of willpower.

To all other problems, someone else can say to you "you're only sad cuz you allow yourself to be", or "it's only boring because you make it boring", or "it's only hard because you think it's hard", or "whatever you do, work at it with all your heart", or "work out your salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you," and if you have enough willpower, even if you're sad, you can will yourself out of it and can apply the "When I feel sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story" and just snap out of it.

But when you have a lack of willpower, you're fucked.
You hate what you're doing but you do it anyways and you watch your whole world crumble in your hands.

You're trapped. and everyone just thinks you're an idiot for being so self-pitiful. And even you think you're an idiot for being so self-pitiful. It's like you're on the ground, in a fetal position, getting beat up, spit at, kicked, stomped on, and laughed at by a gang. Except you're one of the people doing the stomping. In fact you are the whole gang, there's a dozen of you, and you're doing the kicking, spitting, laughing, hating.

This article is a good description about the lack of willpower:

A song comes to mind:
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time

'cause i tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I can get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess i was wrong now one more time
Cause I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I can get down to the ground
And i tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this,

So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle yeah

Actually, another song comes to mind. except this second song has a happy ending. In my current position, there is no happy ending in sight.

Standing knee-deep in cold water, swiftly moving
Somehow I knew I lost something

Waiting waist-deep I saw a book there, in the river
Waiting for me to find it there
I tried to read it, neck deep, treading water
The tide pulled me out to sea

Then with water in my eyes
The words began to rise from their place
They were beautiful and dread
I reached for them and fed on each phrase
They were honey on my lips
Then a bitter twist in my side
I knew they'd lay me in my grave
"Is there no one who could save me?" I cried

Sinking down deep through cold water and heavy silence
Shadows stirring in the gloom
What things lay sleeping down deep in the darkness?
Woke then to find me in my tomb

Then with water in my eyes
The words began to rise from their place
They were beautiful and dread
I reached for them and fed on each phrase
They were honey on my lips
Then a bitter twist in my side
I knew they'd lay me in my grave
"Is there no one who could save me?" I cried

And when I lost all hope to look
Someone took that heavy book from my hands
All it's weight they set aside
After they had satisfied it's demands
I felt white and black reverse
And the lifting of a curse from my heart
Then like one receiving sight
I beheld a brilliant light in the dark

Monday, June 18, 2012

what a fence

The story's an offense
So get down from that fence
And bless or curse


Thursday, June 7, 2012

transferred out of godaddy and into namecheap

transferring domains is much more of a hassle than buying a new domain.
after some research trying to compare 1and1 vs namecheap vs godaddy. namecheap was the best deal. with a coupon i found on google, it only cost $49 and some cents to transfer 6 domains and keep them registered for a year at namecheap (this included namecheap's privacy protection: whois guard). godaddy was charging me $117 to renew those 6 domains with privacy (and that's with a discount too).

in summary the steps are:
1. unlocking the domains on godaddy (through godaddy website)
2. getting each domain's eep code from godaddy (through godaddy website)
3. canceling/unlocking privacy on those domains (through search your email for your DBP account number. it's a pain)
4. adding those domains onto namecheap (enter the eep as well)
5. then you'll get an email about the transfers from namecheap's (do what it tells you)
6. finally, authorize the pending transfer on godaddy
if you don't get an email in step 5, go into godaddy and check what you set the admin email to. once you correct that email, go in namecheap and click resend

i found that this site had the best directions on how to transfer domains out of
and i also used this site:

this process took the whole night, and leaving godaddy was almost a bit saddening after being with them for several years, but i think it was the morally right thing to do.


Friday, May 18, 2012

why dogs are better than cats

when you get bit by a house cat, read this instead of going to the doctor. i'll tell you what the doctor told me.

so my landlord owns a cat. i pet it sometimes but usually i'm too lazy. i decided to pet it today, and all was going ok,until i touched it's claw/paw. then it bit me.

i googled cat bites and found that they were much more dangerous than dog bites due to some kind of bacteria in their saliva. it then occurred to me that there are many reasons why dogs are better than cats:

  • it's hard for an average non-cat owner to tell if a cat is happy or not (wagging its tail actually means it's mad)
  • cats think they're the center of the universe. dogs think you're the center of their universe.
  • some dogs can actually defend against intruders. cats just get owned.
  • getting bit by a cat is a greater hassle than getting bit by a dog. cat saliva is basically poisonous
  • cats can't play catch
  • if you're going bald, you can't use rogaine around cats, because cats die upon contact with rogaine

anyway, i fortunately had kaiser health insurance through work, i thought i might as well use it. so i went to the emergency room. maybe it's because my issue wasn't urgent, but i had to wait about an hour and a half until i finally saw a doctor. yay, go kaiser.

once i finally did see the doctor and told him my story, the doctor said cats are more likely to have rabies than dogs, and that cats bites are more likely to get infected (as google said.) but he didn't want to vaccinate and treat me for rabies yet, because i probably don't have rabies. and also because it's an intense process where i get 1 shot, come back 1 day later to get another shot, 3 days later for the next shot, 7 days later for the next. instead he told to keep an eye on the cat for the next two weeks (keep it indoors). to see if the cat will develop symptoms of rabies first. then once that happens, i'll know i'm screwed. The doctor said rabies symptoms might not show up in humans until it's too late, so that's why you gotta watch the cat instead. he also recommended a tetanus shot but since i had one 2 years ago, i didn't need another one.

anyway, i was prescribed amoxicillin / potassium clavu tablets 875mg for $5. 1 tablet orally 2 times a day for 7 days. you can't lie down for 30min after eating it or else it would just sit in your stomach and not be effective. you also need to take it after a meal, otherwise it might cause heartburn, but it'd still be effective.

i left the house for the ER at 1:13am. got back at 3:30. i wasted about 2hrs 17min of my life. but during the drive back, NPR (national public radio) was talking about facebook's IPO (started an hour ago), and  it said IPO's are not a good buy. because during those first few days of trading, many shareholders (early employees, early investors etc) are not allowed to sell their shares. this creates even more demand for the stock in those first few days, which might bubble the prices even higher. then when those people do sell, the price might drop. also, facebook only made a billion dollars last year. but it's valued at 104 billion. it'll take about 100 years for it to earn it's worth. and that's a little too long...

btw kaiser charged me $75 for the ER visit. i wasn't expecting that, or else i wouldn't have gone. that's outrageous to me because i already have kaiser insurance and i specifically drove farther to get to a kaiser ER (that's one major bad thing about kaiser - you can't just got o any ER or else you'd go bankrupt before you die from your wounds). now it all makes sense where the doctors' $300,000/yr salaries come from. if i was a doctor who went to school for 8 years, have a quarter of a million dollars in loans, of course i'd want a salary of $300,000/yr (50% is taxes anyways). i think perhaps what's messed up is our education system that costs so much to train doctors. insurance companies are messed up too, of course.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

biggest advertiser: AT&T. Oh, and fuck thomas edison

i just read that "GM, which ranks behind Procter & Gamble Co and AT&T Inc in advertising spending, spent $1.1 billion on U.S. ads last year, according to ad-tracking firm Kantar Media."
and this site ranks at&t as second to proctor & gamble: so that pretty much confirms at&t really is the US's largest advertiser.

wow, this just makes me hate at&t even more.

in other news, my friend posted this link about tesla and how thomas edison pretty much stole tesla's ideas and screwed tesla's life over. more digging revealed that thomas edison actually hired people to do alot of the inventing. edison also advertised his stuff really heavily and bashed tesla alot. in fact he electrocuted an elephant to show that his version of electricity (DC) was superior to tesla's (AC). googling "fuck thomas edison" also returned 5,430 pages. so it must be true that thomas edison really was a terrible person.

oh, almost forget to say this: fuck at&t!

i just looked at my bill. monthly service charge of $21. plus $10 for long distance. our home phone usage was 12 minutes for the whole past month. $31 for that?
there's this little option called "change plan", but when i click through it to try to get rid of my long distance service, it tells me i gotta call. good thing their call center is pretty much only open when i'm at work.

also, their website always gives me this error: "SVC04: We apologize for the inconvenience. The information you requested is currently unavailable." why can't they get their website to work. they're the biggest advertiser in the US. i get mad at at&t every month.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

why can't helen keller drive?

...because she's a woman.
We've all known this fact since childhood, but here's the science behind it.

Males have faster reaction time than females:
"in almost every age group, males have faster reaction times than females, and female disadvantage is not reduced by practice (Noble et al., 1964; Welford, 1980; Adam et al., 1999; Dane and Erzurumlugoglu, 2003; Der and Deary, 2006). The last study is remarkable because it included over 7400 subjects. Bellis (1933) reported that mean time to press a key in response to a light was 220 msec for males and 260 msec for females; for sound the difference was 190 msec (males) to 200 msec (females)."

Reaction times dictate how quickly you hit the brakes:
"Traditionally, mental processing time, or reaction time, time for a normal driver under good conditions is considered to be about 0.75 seconds....A car traveling at 65 mph will travel over 70 feet during the estimated 0.75 seconds of processing time. It takes about 0.3 seconds to apply the brake, during which time the car will travel another 28 feet, and actually stopping the car requires another 188 feet with good tires on dry roads. This means that under the best conditions, an alert driver can avoid hitting any obstacle that he perceives when it is at less than 300 feet away. With a brain reaction time of one and a half seconds, the stopping distance increases to over 350 feet. And if reaction time lengthens to two seconds, what some believe is a reasonable estimate of how long it takes for someone to interpret brake lights or turn signals when distracted, the stopping distance increases to over 400 feet. This means that a distracted driver can cause an accident even if following at a responsible 2-second distance (about 200 feet at 65 mph)."
Therefore females are bad drivers.

By the way, "Navy Top Gun fighter pilots typically score between 200 and 225 milliseconds".

on a side note, why i hate my life:
my average reaction time found from one of the sites below is 278ms. that site had collected millions of samples (other visitors to the site), and my reaction time was very far below the mean. my dreams of being a fighter pilot, race car driver, riding a motorcycle, driving in the fast lane, all basically go down the drain. the more i fight against my fate, the faster i try to drive, the more accidents i get into. most things that seem interesting, exciting, exhilarating, all involve fast reaction times - snowboarding (avoiding trees), racing in track and field (taking off at the sound of the gun), to even basketball (catching fast passes), and frisbee (closing your hands quickly enough to catch the disc). those things were and are still my passions. and for 10 years of my childhood, and i actually did want to become a fighter pilot.

i'm constantly amazed at this video

very cool site about reaction times, with alot of stats:

Sunday, April 22, 2012

resume present tense

i got confused about how to deal with tense when writing a resume. especially when trying to describe one's current job. from hours of googling, here's what i found about using present tense in resumes

usage of past or present tense:
...the tense of verbs in your bullet lists should be past tense for previous jobs: Ran point of sales register. Verbs should be present tense for jobs you currently hold: Run point of sales register. An exception to this is using a verb for something that happened in the past at your current job (from the example above: Won “Employee of the Month” May 2006, April 2008).
avoid gerunds (a gerund is a verbal that ends in -ing and functions as a noun) :
Gerunds are words that you want to avoid when writing a job description on your résumé. Having quite a few gerunds on a your résumé can make it seem like a boring and long list of duties. That’s not what your résumé is supposed to be. Make your résumé come to life by LIMITING the usage of gerunds.
I found several sites saying don't start off a bullet point with an "ing" verb, but they didn't explain why. If it's to describe a current project, it makes more sense to me to write "developing unix shell script to reduce data collection time" rather than "develop unix shell script to...", and i certainly can't use "developed" in this situation because it hasn't been developed yet.

I found additional information about using "ing" verbs, but it's not very conclusive:
Many people advise keeping verbs in the continuous present tense, using "ing" verbs such as "saying," "leading," "developing," "motivating," and "coordinating." Although "ing" verbs may sound more dynamic, other resume professionals argue that it is clearer to imagine an "I" in front of each verb, writing, for instance, "(I) lead," "(I) develop," "(I) motivate," or "(I) coordinate," if the job is current. If the job was held in the past, as most will have been, they suggest putting the verbs in simple past tense, as in "(I) led," "(I) developed," "(I) motivated," or "(I) coordinated." Either way, always remember to keep verb tense consistent throughout your entire resume.

Use action words to describe your job skills and make each job description specific and efficient. Especially if you favor the present tense in your descriptions, you might prefer using the “-ing” form of active verbs (“performing” rather than “perform”).
so in conclusion, who cares.



Monday, April 16, 2012

note to self: imap and pop3 don't send email

only smtp does.
imap and pop3 are ways of reading email. the difference being pop3 deletes the email from the server after downloading it from the server to your computer, while imap doesn't.

neither pop3 nor imap is used to send email. for that you use smtp.
here are 2 articles:

Monday, March 19, 2012

stuff dreams are made of

I was working on a grad school statement of purpose and wanted to use the term "the stuff dreams are made of". So i decided to google that term. I came upon this rather informative website:   

Apparently, the phrase might have come from Shakespeare's the Tempest:

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep. 

I had no idea what this meant. But the explanation floored me. Basically the quote was saying all the parties, skyscrappers, all that we inherit, the earth itself, and everything in it, will all fade away, as if it were a dream  (btw revels=parties). from dust we came and to dust we will return.

james 4:14 - What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Why blog?

I blog because I want your views, comments, likes, respect, and approval,
because it makes me feel better about myself,
because I want all the glory and attention,
because I live and seek thunderous applause from other human beings,
because I am insecure about life, about myself, and about my self worth,
and perhaps, because I have an idea to share, and I genuinely think it's a good idea that can improve the lives of those who read it.

Monday, March 12, 2012

I haven't listened to Thrice in a while

I haven't listened to Thrice in a while. but now that i did. oh peace. it brings me on my knees.

I was always one of the righteous
Never lived outside of the lines
Kept a close watch on the white wash
Disguising the dead bones inside

I was always one the good ones
Keeping tabs on everyone else

Sure that I was
One of the chosen
But I was a child of hell

But you buried me in the bright light
Yeah, you held my eyes to the sun till I could see that,
That I was worse than I ever feared I could be
But somehow, I was loved more than I ever dared to believe
Because of you

I was always one of the blameless
Or at least that's what I believed
I never thought I could have been blinded
Until I could no longer see

But you buried me in the bright light
Yeah, you held my eyes to the sun till I could see,
That I was worse than I ever feared I could be
But somehow, I was loved more than I ever dared to believe
Because of you

"Disarmed" is good too.
thrice even sounds good on dubstep:

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Newt Gingrich is a playa

Gingrich wants more religion in public life. He said, "In America, religious belief is being challenged by a cultural elite trying to create a secularized America, in which God is driven out of public life." (nytimes)

Hold on Gingrich, you believe America has become too secular and you want America to be more conservative? How the fuck can you ask for that when you've had 3 marriages and every divorce was due to the affair that caused the next marriage? That same nytimes article points out:
"He also acknowledged having an extramarital affair with Callista Bisek, then a House staff member, while leading impeachment proceedings against Mr. Clinton for lying about his own sexual transgressions."
I mean, even Hugh Hefner has only been married twice. (Hugh Hefner almost busted a Gingrich by almost marrying Crystal Harris. But that marriage was called off.) Gingrich would be the first twice divorced president. Me bashing on Gingrich basically makes me a player hater. My bad.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Pornography Addiction

I look at the puddle of mess in my hands, soaked cotton, and the limp mass of tissue. I feel disgusted and stupid for what I was ecstatic and euphoric over a few seconds ago, a few spasms ago, a few images ago. How come I never get sick of this. As if I awaken and come to my senses every time right after my last spasm, and realize it was all for nothing. But yet before the climax I forgot all of the promises I made to myself and my future. When am I going to break this habit? My mind has thousands of images - images of naked bodies, people in bedrooms. When am I going to stop?

Update 2016:
It's going stop NOW.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

2012 elections

I wouldn't vote for Romney because he's Mormon.
I'm actually quite surprised that a Mormon might become president of the United States. This is a religion that up until 1978, banned black people from fully participating:
There is a reason why one man is born black and with other disadvantages, while another is born white with great advantage. The reason is that we[white people] once had an estate before we came here, and were obedient, more or less, to the laws that were given us there. Those who were faithful in all things there received greater blessings here, and those who were not faithful received less.... There were no neutrals in the war in heaven. All took sides either with Christ or with Satan. Every man had his agency there, and men receive rewards here based upon their actions there, just as they will receive rewards hereafter for deeds done in the body. The Negro, evidently, is receiving the reward he merits.
--Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, Vol.1, pages 66-67

and Joseph Smith Jr., the founder of the Mormon church said:
Had I anything to do with the negro, I would confine them by strict law to their own species
I mean, what the fuck was he thinking? Couldn't he foresee the civil rights movement, being a prophet and all? But back to the point, I'm surprised that America is so accepting of Mormonisn today. Missouri basically launched a war against LDS in 1838 :
...Violence broke out again at an election riot in 1838...When the Mormons attacked a duly authorized militia under the belief it was an anti-Mormon mob, Missouri’s governor, Lilburn Boggs, ordered the Saints expelled from the state, or “exterminated,” if necessary. (
Even after Mormons established a community hundreds of miles away in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847, anti-Mormon activists in Utah Territory convinced U.S. President James Buchanan that the Mormons in the territory were rebelling against the United States.... President Buchanan sent one-third of the American standing army in 1857 to Utah in what is known as the Utah War. (
Mormonism believes in aliens from outer space, and that the ruler of our planet is God/Jesus. and if you're a good mormon, you'll get your own planet too and be God as well! yay! Mormon's believe that “As man now is, God once was: As God now is, man may be".(Lorenzo Snow)
(i read up on this from Wikipedia, the definitive authority on everything:

Also, I wouldn't vote for Santorum because he's Catholic.

I also wouldn't vote for Gingrich, because he was married 3 times, and he's fat. (and according to wikipedia, there were "Eighty-four ethics charges were filed against Gingrich during his term as Speaker"? ) More info about Gingrich's fatness can be found here:

If it's any of those 3 going against Obama, I'm voting for Obama for sure. Plus, I owe him one because I voted for Mccain in '08. (I know, the fuck was i thinking right?) To sum it up, i'm basically not voting for romney, santorum, or gingrich because they're mormon, catholic, fat.

At the end up of day, the above was just a rant against Mormonism. The Mormons and Catholics i know are some of the nicest, most diligent, respectful, tolerant, disciplined people i know. And the Romney's do not seem to be stereotypical of racism at all, in fact, i have to give props to the Romney family for their stance with the civil rights movement: 

(but i'm sorry, the guy is still a mormon, and i gotta say, mormonism is pretty fucking weird. but then again, all religions are weird)

shit, Gingrich is also catholic, definitely not voting for him

Sunday, February 26, 2012

religious description of myself

Perhaps I am like the person described here:
"…right now God restrains the madness of man, but once the restraint is taken off in hell itself, what torture must it be to stand upon the parapets of hell screaming your hatred of God for eternity, knowing there is nothing you can do any longer, to in any way hurt God or his creation.  People say “we are going to be partying in hell”.  No. You are going to be alone.  Alone with your hatred and self destruction.
You don’t stop sinning.  That’s why the punishment doesn’t stop.  And I am convinced that if you were to reach into the pit of hell, 10,000 years into eternity, grab a smoking soul, bring it out and sit it down, and say “Here’s your choice: either love the Lord your God with your heart, soul, mind and strength and  worship Him in purity or turn around and walk right back in to where you are” every single one would turn around, spit at you and dive right back into where they were."
Or perhaps I am like Pharoh, who was raised up by God just so God could display His glory by destroying him.
Or I am like Job, but without repentance. 
Or I am like the third servant who will experience weeping and gnashing of teeth as described in Matthew 25:14-30:
 24 “And the one also who had received the one talent came up and said, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow and gathering where you scattered no seed. 25 And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.’   26 “But his master answered and said to him, ‘You wicked, lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow and gather where I scattered no seed. 27 Then you ought to have put my money [d]in the bank, and on my arrival I would have received my money back with interest. 28 Therefore take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents.’   29 “For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away. 30 Throw out the worthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Or I am like the guest without wedding clothes in Matthew 22:

 1 Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying, 2 “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son. 3 And he sent out his slaves to call those who had been invited to the wedding feast, and they were unwilling to come. 4 Again he sent out other slaves saying, ‘Tell those who have been invited, “Behold, I have prepared my dinner; my oxen and my fattened livestock are all butchered and everything is ready; come to the wedding feast.”’ 5 But they paid no attention and went their way, one to his own farm, another to his business, 6 and the rest seized his slaves and mistreated them and killed them. 7 But the king was enraged, and he sent his armies and destroyed those murderers and set their city on fire. 8 Then he *said to his slaves, ‘The wedding is ready, but those who were invited were not worthy. 9 Go therefore to the main highways, and as many as you find there, invite to the wedding feast.’ 10 Those slaves went out into the streets and gathered together all they found, both evil and good; and the wedding hall was filled with dinner guests.
   11 “But when the king came in to look over the dinner guests, he saw a man there who was not dressed in wedding clothes, 12 and he *said to him, ‘Friend, how did you come in here without wedding clothes?’ And the man was speechless. 13 Then the king said to the servants, ‘Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ 14 For many are called, but few are chosen.”

reality check: plumbing

I’m thankful that I was able to help my dad with plumbing today. It showed me that I was spoiled and it made me so thankful that I get to sit in a nice office. Thankful that I don’t have to do physical labor to make a living. Thankful that my parents toiled to get me a good education that resulted in my current job.

I came to this realization because I was too weaksauce. I couldn't even handle the physical labor of helping my dad fix the plumbing. I couldn't handle the squatting. Even though it wasn't aerobic exercising or anything. It was a neither here-nor-there kind of feeling of just squatting or being in a hunched position for several hours, trying to fix a plumbing problem, feeling cramped and uncomfortable, unable to use the most efficient muscles, and unable to position my body to generate the most torque to get the job done because there was no space. It was frustrating.

I’m thankful that my parents forced me to study, even though I hated it when I was younger. Throughout the past few weeks, I had told my parents that I wanted to join the military. They kept trying to tell me not too. I wasn't that serious but had just wanted to tell my parents that it was something I was going to look into. But my parents got so worked up about it that the more they kept trying to persuade me not, the more I kept saying that I wanted to do it.

But after trying to help my dad today with fixing the plumbing and failing, I realized I’m probably not cut out for the military. I’m too much of a wuss.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

basic explanation of LAMP for dummies

for a while i was trying to figure out how the following terms fit with each other: html, xml, javascript, LAMP, ajax, php, front end, back end, ruby on rails.

so far i believe it's like this:

LAMP is about how the server is configured. L=linux, A=apache, M=mysql, P=php. then the client stuff goes on top of that: ajax, javascript, html

a webpage from a website can have html and javascript on the same page. (it needs to have html to be known as a webpage. it doesn't need to have javascript). when you type in the url of a website in your web  browser (eg google chrome), the sever that the website is hosted on sends the index.html webpage over to your web browser (index.html is the main/home webpage) .
the web browser immediately renders the html stuff and displays you something.
javascript on the other hand, needs to be executed by the web browser (the browser sees javascript and starts running what the javascript is saying). javascript has many functions, for example, it can cause a popup window. one of the functions is called XMLHttpRequest, which can call out to run php scripts that reside on the sever (all of ajax is is basically the capability of that function, which allows you to call php scripts).

Well the php scripts reside on the webserver and they usually have within them mysql scripts. Mysql is the language used by the database, and the php scripts call the mysql queries, which gets stuff from the database.

So the php script then gets the data from the database and then reorders that data into xml. I think of xml just as a format of presenting information. just like how you can have a line of english words to make a sentence, you can alternatively have have a column of words, where each row only has one english word, and everyone knows that word 1 is capitalized, or something. So the php script gives the data in xml format to the javascript (rather, the XMLHttpRequest function retrieves that xml data for other javascript functions to use). and since javascript knows the data is in xml format, it also knows that word 1 is capitalized, or something. (remember, the browser is running the javascript, so by now, the xml data is on the browser)

Anyway, then javascript uses that data, prints it as html or something, and that's how your webpage gets updated. or something.

Note that the user (the person sitting in front of the computer) will never see the php scripts. Because php resides on the server.

(stuff that has to do with the web browser is front end, and stuff that has to do with the webserver is backend)

and ruby on rails (RoR) is just a whole other beast that replaces LAMP. i think...

correct me where i'm wrong because i'm just learning this stuff so it's new to me as well.