joy harjo and Ira Grass quotes

i heard the following interview of joy harjo on NPR the other day.

"Women often turn their anger inward, and at Indian school, some of us mutilated ourselves. I marked myself once, with a knife, I was disappearing into the adolescent sea of rage and destruction. The mark of pain assured me of my own reality. The cut could speak. It had a voice that cried out when I could not make a sound in my own defense."
"I never made such a mark again, instead I chose to slash art onto canvas, pencil marks onto paper, and when I could no longer carry the burden of history, I found other openings: I found stories."

hearing this increased my respect for writing, art, and poetry. cool

http://m.npr.org/story/156501436


“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” -Ira Grass

我恨我自己

“you know i know how…the club can’t even handle me right now…”

been stuck in my head all day. the song reminds me shanghai summer of 2010. world expo. i was studying abroad. clubbing everynight, no matter what night. then ace my test the next morning.

fine, here's the video:

You know i know how
The Club Can’t handle me right now
To make em stop and stare as i zone out
The club can’t even handle me right now
Watchin you im watchin you we go all out
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)

Flo rida 1st Verse:

Hey
I own the light and i dont need no help
Gotta be the feeling that scarface player
Stuntin go wild cant handle this plan
Life of the club arrogant like yeah!
Top like money all the girls just melt
Want to many all know me like Twelve
Look like cash and they all just stare
Bottles, Models, standin on chairs
Fall out coz thats the business
All out its so ridiclous
Zone out so much attention
Scream out im in the building (hey!)
They watchin i know this
Im rockin im rolling
Im holding, I know it
You know it

You know i know how
To make em stop and stare as i zone outt
The club can’t even handle me right now
Watchin you im watchin you we go all outt
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)

Flo Rida 2nd Verse:

Hey
Still feelin myself im like outta control
Cant stop now more shots lets go
Ten more rounds can i get a Kato
Paparazzi trying to make me pose
Came to party to i came no more
Celebrate coz thats all i know
Tip the groupies takin off their clothes
Grand finale’ like superbowl
Go hard run the show
Thats right wild out got money to blow
More light more ice when i walk in the door
No hype i do it big all over the globe
Yeah!
I said it
Go tell it
Confetti
Who ready?
Im ready!
You ready!
Lets get it!

You know i know how
To make em stop and stare as i zone out
The club can’t even handle me right now
Watchin you watchin me we go all out
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)
(put your hands up!)
http://www.elyricsworld.com/club_can't_handle_me_lyrics_flo_rida.html
(put your hands up!)
(put your hands up!)
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)
(put your hands up!)
(put your hands up!)
(put your hands up!)

Verse 3:

You got me watchin now (hey)
Got my attention now (hey)
Got everybody in the club wanting to know now
I am a ladies man
Come and be my lady and..
We can ball, soo, ahhhhhh
Bring ya body here let me switch up the atmosphere
Take you up out of this club and in my new limo
Fly you all around the world
What you want baby girl
Are you ready to go now!

You know i know how
To make em stop and stare as i zone outt
The club can’t even handle me right now
Watchin you watchin me we go all outt
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)
(put your hands up!)
(put your hands up!)
(put your hands up!)
The club can’t even handle me right now (yeahhhhh)
(put your hands up!)
Lets celebrate now
(put your hands up!)
You know who shut it down!

but totally unrelated:


i hate how i argue with my parents. i’m able to say the most wickedest, hurtful things that i know will claw at my parents heart and make them cry. and after i say them i regret it so much. but yet i’m still too prideful and filled with darkness to humbly apologize to them, because i’ve done so so many times before. and then the more my parents nag and beg me to do something that i know will ultimately be for my own good, the more i oppose them and say hurtful things. things about the past or things that are totally unrelated to the subject - i bring em up just to hurt my parents. for example today, i said earlier i’d take the bus. but then the time neared and my dad and i both knew i was gonna be late. he then said he’d give me a ride. i was adamant and said i’d rather be late with the bus than take a ride from him (because i know he wanted so much for me to be on time). i walked to the bus stop, and i was really gonna be late. my dad called, asked if i was on the bus, and then he started begging me to get in the car when he comes to pick me up to give me a ride. i kept saying i won’t. he wasn’t even mad or angry, he was just pleading me. and i kept refusing. 10 min later, i stopped refusing because i even got worried that i was gonna be late. but i was still too prideful to agree for him to pick me up. i just stopped refusing, and he knew that was enough. he drove to me, and i got in the car. and then the whole way, i still didn’t apologize. he apologized to me… it was like he was kneeling in front of me watching me shoot myself up with heroine, begging me to stop, and i kept laughing at him.

what fucked up son does that? i do.
why? when will i change?